YEARS 15-20

Boy was this one hard.... Other than the last 1.5 years of our marriage this is the hardest to blog.... I lost my best friend LeighAnne, she was murdered,(more about that, in a blog of it's own), things were nose diving in a hurry. Our life was in such shambles that I don't care to remember some of the horrible things that happened... I will leave those to your imagination. One incident that stands out in my mind, is our 18th wedding anniversary.. I had quit my job at the Police Department, due to the stress of LeighAnne's death, and was working at Celluar One as a customer service operator... I got 18 of the most beautiful peach roses you had ever seen that day. They called me to the front desk ,and I so proudly carried those beautiful roses back into that control room, where 20 plus of my friends cheered and I was crying, see this is the first time I had ever received flowers in my life...I was so proud, and so proud of him. Was he really making progress? When I got home I went downstairs to our bedroom where he was watching TV, with roses in hand, wanting to thank him, so happy, I said thank you honey for these beautiful roses, salty tears streaming down my face, he stood up and smirked, and started cussing me. He said I didn't send the --- damn things, your ---- daughter did, but I will have to pay for the f---- things. I was so upset, my salty tears turned to hot sauce, I threw them at his feet busting the vase and breaking the roses' stems... I left drove around for hours and cried... and yep, when I got home he accused me of being off with my boyfriend, and again that night to keep down fighting...I lie with my face in the pillow crying as he raped me.. You say your husband can't rape you, sure he can.... if you lie with him against your will just to shut him up, and control his raging...that is rape my friend.

That was harder than I thought, but I do have to say very cleansing... God is helping me get past all that... there truly is a healing that has occurred in my heart, or I never could have shared those things with you.