THE MEANEST MONSTER OF THEM ALL

Just when I thought I was ok, had made it through my teen age years, the meanest monster showed up in my life.

I always had a boyfriend as a teenager, I liked boys and they liked me. Because I was a really good Christian girl, I was choice about who I dated... They had to be Christians. My first really boyfriend and first true love was Butch....We dated for nearly 2 years... He was a sweet guy, and he had already given me a promise ring. I know that after I graudated we would have been married. He was one year ahead of me and had made plans to join the air force, by the time I graduated he would have finished basic training and would be stationed someone. We could have started a new life together. The pastor at our small church took me and his wife and a friend of mine to the car one Sunday night after church and he started reading me scriptures on fornication, I was totally not sure of what he was talking about....He told me that someone in the church overheard me telling my friend that I thought I was pregnant.... I tried to explain that I was kidding, the real truth is that his dauther in law was telling me that she thought she was pregnant, and I thought she was kidding, and I said yeah and I'm pregnant too, JOKING.. He told me I could break up with Butch or he would tell my mom that I was sleeping with him..I knew my mom would believe my pastor over me, and the only way I could prove him wrong would be to have a physical exam, with the rape fresh in my mind..I didn't know but what the doctor could tell something had happened to me, and my mom would never know about my uncle. That would have forced me to tell her...My mom's love and trust in me, was so important, but was it more important than loosing my first love, I was so confused and afraid. So I broke up with him never telling him the real truth until several years later. To this day we are friends, I can't believe that he would even speak to me. He is very suscessful, has a beautiful wife and two beautiful kid, and I am proud to call him my friend.

I was working at the Geneva Police Department as a dispatcher at the time... And Bobby (my ex-husband) was a police officer there... The day I broke up with Butch I was distraught, when I got to work Bobby was there and he could see I was upset.. I didn't tell him why, and he consoled me.. We soon started dating and within a month he asked me to marry him.. So one week and one day after my high school graduation, ( the day I should have been marrying my first love) I was walking down the isle with my husband Bobby.

Today is my daughter's 23rd birthday,,, I am trying to remember all the horrible things that happened to me....But at this moment I must stop because I am very upset... My daughter's birth rendered some of these ugly monsters to lie still... I had never been SO happy in my entire life.

So for today in honor of her birthday... I will wait to begin recording the hell that I lived through.... PS ... I love you Paula up until this day in my life,,, you are the best thing that ever happened to me... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL...

More later.....Just can't today