WORKING ON THAT LAST MONSTER

A friend talked to me today, and gave me a wonderful tool to help me kill this last Monster... He told me that I was normal,, that most people feel this way about themselves. What he didn't know is that was a really big tool for me, I felt like I was the only one who felt that way about myself... I have NEVER thought I was pretty... Not even on my wedding day, and as I look back I can see the beauty now.. I was beautiful back then and I could not see it.

This monster was created because of all the other monsters that I will talk about later... I thought that the reason I was being used was because I was ugly. That just simply is not so. I thought that the horrible things in my life was due to my being ugly.. If I were pretty no one would want to hurt me.

Just one time I want to take away someone's breath with my beauty... But does that really matter so much now... If someone will just love me that is really what I want. For them to see the inner beauty, my mind, my spirit, my sense of humor...I know that I am beautiful on the inside if only I could turn myself inside out...

I have lost 90 pounds since I left my ex-husband in 2002, I have bought myself pretty clothes got contacts and even went blonde in an attempt to have someone love me... And I must see that the outward appearance is only a shell.

I am working hard on learning to love me, and when I can truly love me, then I will slay this horrible monster..

I am encouraged that others feel this way... Look at the trillions of dollars spent for reconstructive surgery and clothes, and jewelry, and gyms. We are possessed by looking like Hollywood stars... But Jesus loves us as we are.

I am still working hard to loose weight, I want to do that for me. Whether another man turns his head to look at me, I am still gonna work...

I am blessed to have friends, that love and encourage me, and see the beauty beyond the monster...