WHERE AM I ?

Have you ever had a day when you just didn't feel like you fit in anywhere. You know that you do, and you have an assurance of the same just by the voice of others. But you feel lost, just out of place. I am having one of those days. If I could sing a song without throwing a pity party, I would sing that old stupid song I used to sing as a kid; "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I eat worms all day...". In a sensible way I have attempted to be friends with so many people. I have tried to help so many, and minister to everyone that I touch. But somehow today, I feel as if my words were and have all been in vain. Why did I use my time to minister to them? Why would I even care about some people that I may never even lay eyes on, or ones that couldn't care less if I did. Why would I care about the outcome of their lives. Why would I pray for them, and seek annointing on my words of hope and encouragement to them. Why would I cry when my words didn't help. I just don't know, in my searching I have found only one reason, and I suppose that is reason enough. When I love I love hard. When I am a friend, I am a friend till the end. And when I minister I take chances. God has given me this gift of ministry, maybe I am unwrapping it without taking off the bow first. Maybe I am tearing into it too fast. Maybe I am jumping the gun, speaking out of turn, or just plain don't understand my gift.

The one thing that I do know is that in all of reality I am loved. I just don't feel it some days. Most of the time, the world is just passing me along. Most of the time the only one that takes time to tell me that I am loved is Don. Most of the time I take advantage of those words. Most of the time I know there are coming. Just a grain of sand in your shoe can drive you crazy. Just a crumb of food in your teeth can make you miserable, and just an ounce of doubt can break your heart.

I refuse to sing my childhood song. I will not be taken down by this fear of rejection, this fear of loss. I will have just a tiny molecule of faith, one the size of a mustard seed. I will know that somewhere out there, someone really does love me and appreciate my advice. Someone out there really does appreciate all the hours I spend in prayer. And more than anything today, someone out there understands that I like them have feelings, and I hurt too.

Just a thought. I will be better tomorrow. These sad times don't last forever, I know that Jesus loves me, cause I have a sweet relationship with him. And on days like this, that is all that really matters in the end.