A MOTHER'S PRIDE AND JOY

I want to tell you about my beautiful children. The only things in my life that I truly believe way down deep in my soul, are my real accomplishments. I will enter two blogs... one for Paula Nicole who is now 23 and one for Donald Lee who is 21.

These children have made a difference between life and death for me. God knew I would need them just as much as they needed me. He knew that at the age of 24 I would have to have an emergency hysterectomy. So he allowed me to have my family early. If not, I would not have been blessed with these 2 beautiful creatures. They are both beautiful and truly love their mama. We spend every Sunday together. We all go to the same church, and usually eat Sunday lunch together, we all live in different towns. I am so proud of their indiviual progress. The beauty in their faces and the love for Jesus in their hearts. A mother can't express the sincere love that she has for her children. A word has not yet been created to describe the feelings that I have for these 2 beautiful people in my life. Pride don't even touch it. Love doesn't even describe it. I just know that without the two of them, I would probably be dead. Their laughter and their simple touch to my arm when my whole world was crashing in around me, substained me. I praise God for them everyday. I pray that the mistakes that I made as a mother will be overlooked by them. I grew up with them, and often because of my misery and immaturity made foolish decisions where they were concerned. It was never because I didn't love them, there were just days that I didn't appreciate them. I know in my heart I never abused them and I never stopped loving them, there were just times that I made bad decisions. But as adults they both have shown me that those times really are forgotten. All I know is that I tried to be the best mom any child could ever have, and the times that I didn't have the money to give them the things I would have, that I still showered them with love.

I just pray that someday if they have children, they will have learned from my examples of how to be and how not to be a parent. I love them both so much...

And now that Paula is married I love her husband as if he was my son as well. Brent is a precious young man. He is good to my baby girl , he loves her and it shows. How could I not love him. In 2 days they will celebrate 3 years of marriage. He has taken care of her, and she has grown into a beautiful young woman and wife. I admire the love I see between the two of them. I admire the trust and honor and pride she has for him. And I admire the love he shows her.

And next Sunday, one week from today my son Lee is getting married. His wife to be is Kizzie, a sweet young lady, I have already fallen in love with her, such a sweet creature. She has made a difference in Lee's life. I see him growing up, I see him growing in the Lord. I am so proud of him. And I am so stressted about this wedding. Only because it's a mama thing. I don't even know if Bobby is coming or not. Lee asked him to be his best man, in a feeble attempt to get him there, and Bobby told him to call him next week to see if he can come. He has not seen these kids in nearly a year. He should be ashamed of himself. If he chooses not to come to this wedding he can kiss these kids good-bye. They both have verbalized that. No, I don't want to be in the same room with him. I am afraid of him, he is liable to pull a gun out and shot me, he is that crazy and hates me that bad. But the Love for my son, and his desire for his dad to be there is far more important than my feelings. So, I will ignore him if he does show up... Of course I will speak and be friendly to any of his family that chooses to come. I respect my son that much. We will see how it turns out. I will keep you posted.

Until later, I have to get busy. I am making her bouquet and Lee's boutneir. I am pleased to do that. I am putting a small white bible in the middle of her bouquet that is removable. In the front I plan on writing, To celebtate your beginning and a gift for your first child. I know call me sappy, but I am just me, what can i say.

Paula and Lee I am so proud of you. How can 2 beautiful children grow up in the hell you two did and turn into the beautiful young adults are. Maybe that shield of protection that I have always prayed around you worked. Something did, because you guys are great.

In proofreading this, I realized the use or maybe even the overuse of the word beautiful.. maybe that is another sign of my healing, I see that beautiful don't always describe an outward appearance, although my children really are beautiful, see I am healing, I am on my way. There will be 2 seperate blogs later one on each of my children. I want to devote the time to honor each of them. The blogs will simply be titles. Paula Presh, and Boo....that is who they are to me.

Paula and Lee other than God you two are my strength, when I just don't feel like putting one foot in front of the other. I love you with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. ..........mama